Since I'm trying to wake up and writing helps a lot... I decided to split it in parts. It's too much for one entry. Simple fact on my side.
Edit: I will move everything into one PDF when everything's done. This is the noob-version for total beginners. The rest: bear the basics.
The preparation can be split into different parts. Each part has to be done, so don't leave out anything and complain later.
1. What kind of job is my goal?
Okay, you decided you want to apply. Somewhere... but "somewhere" doesn't work. Suck it up and make up your mind WHERE you want to apply because that normally also leads to for WHAT POSITION you want to apply. That's basically the same for freelancer/full-time job.
Ask friends or maybe even those who wouldn't pet you on the head every time you show them a crappy doodle where they see you. Look around and check if your desired company needs somebody like you and if you'd actually fit in. Do some research and prepare for a goal company or at least an industry